Wednesday, March 27, 2013
My Insecurities and their Side Effects
It's about 3pm in the afternoon right now. I decided to write because yesterday I saw Jenny Lee's video entitled "Kang You Lost Your Brownie Points". I was thinking maybe I introduced myself to her bad side. I believe she saw my blog about a woman at the club trying to pickpocket me. In my opinion, she was a pretty lady and because she tried to pickpocket me, I started to believe that every lady that I think is pretty would do such thing. It was out of emotion and it wasn't the best way to think about the situation. If you watch the video, you are probably end up thinking that I have no respect for women at all. In fact, I never meant to disrespect any women or anyone; but it seems my insecurities are taking me over and starting injecting negative thoughts about women and maybe people in general. Insecurities are basically the ego. The ego as usual keep you from seeing the reality. It always stereotypes, it always categorizes. The ego is racist, sexist; that is why it has to be dropped. I honestly do not want to watch the video anymore. Not that I do not agree with Jenny; it is just that I felt so ashamed to even go so low! I cannot believe that I insulted every woman of FMK unintentionally. I wish I could meet everybody face to face including Shi zu Lee, Jenny Lee, Lian, Ai, Kiew, Ryan and everybody else so I can apologize to be such an idiot! Of course it is not going to change anything but I guess the only I can get my browny points back(lol) is to learn to control my insecurities or maybe get rid of them. I thought my insecurities only affected me but now it's affecting FMK. I better deal with them before it gets out of hand. That's not how a real Dragon is supposed to be!
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I don't think you should be so hard on yourself Kang. I don't know if you actually hurt anybody's feelings. I think she was just making a point.
ReplyDeleteThe way I saw it, you just had a rough experience and were maybe being a little overly dramatic for a moment.
She made a good point in her video, but don't feel down on yourself. I think you add a lot of character to FMK.
Good luck getting those brownie points back!
I never thought I added anything to FMK but maybe I should give myself more credit. Thanks for picking me up!
DeleteI agree with Lian. Don't beat yourself up anymore about this. I'm sure you will get your brownie points back soon enough. But do take this as a learning opportunity. You were caught making a sweeping generalization about a lot of people, based on a single unfortunate experience with an individual. So be careful about making those kinds of generalizations in the future, because that's how stereotypes and racism and all that gets perpetuated. Moreover, the specific generalization you made was about women, and in that regard I think maybe this is a sign that you should explore the understandings and assumptions you have about women a little more, and question whether these attitudes have anything to do with why you've not really been pursuing any serious relationships with women. So those are my thoughts. But definitely don't let this incident send you spiralling into further insecurity. Pick yourself up and grow from it
ReplyDeleteThank you for the advice. I will definitely take it.
DeleteI have learned something for the experience as well. Now I know why I have so many people that Hate me online, because I have definitely made my fair share of outrageous comments! It's funny how a simple comment can get people so wowed up when the comment isn't even directed specifically at them. I've gotten a chance to know you and I know you are a good person within, the writing was just out of emotion, so I know not to judge you negatively. But for others who don't know you, they will take one statement you make and label you as a horrible person. Just as many will do with my work, those who don't know me, will find one video I have made where I make a statement that they do not like and then hate me because of it. Like the statement I had made in the past saying "I am the new Bruce Lee." LOL
ReplyDeleteLOL. You are the new Bruce Lee! The reason why they do not see that is because they do not anything about Bruce Lee at all. They cannot go beyond Bruce Lee so if they see someone like who is actually at a higher level physically and spiritually then Bruce himself, they will not accept it so they call you names and say all sorts of negative things. I chose you as my Shi zu not because I learn better online. I chose you because in you, I can see that we are so related. I reach a point where I became so self-motivated that online training does not bother me at all. Yes, I believe I still need to be partnered with somebody else but right now, I am doing good. I am making some good progress and I am happy about it. I wish I could pay as much as I was supposed to pay because I say the real value of the Martial Arts, but I guess it will take time. Nonetheless, I still do not see any better kwoon than FMK. I will train in it until my time on Earth is up.
DeleteHonestly, I never took your question personally. I figured due to the situation, I can see how you found the blog as a means to vent. Maybe for next time it'll help to sit on what you wrote from heated emotions, before going public. Because, yes like Sifu said we all know you to not be that type of person, but from an outsider/stranger I can see how you would sound crazy! All together I say, don't beat yourself up!
ReplyDeleteThanks. It means a lot to me. Next time, I better not let me emotions get the best of me.
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