Feddie,
As you know my wife and I both had
our own issues in our marriage. During this time Jenny and yourself stood as a
great example of being able to overcome difficulty in marriage. We do love each
other and because of that love we are able to understand that what we both did
was wrong. Marriage is not a 1 sided story, it takes 2 to write that story out
and it takes a family to make the story into a lesson for others.
After
reading your last few posts the negative in your words is really out shining
the positive. It is easy to tell you are feeling pain and frustration, and as I
have recently been in that same place I can understand why. I cannot disagree
more with you about marriage being fucked up. I honestly believe that in
marriage you have safety and security for not only yourself but your family.
You cannot place your needs whether they are spiritual, physical, or emotional
over the needs of your family. This goes for both partners. If you have
children in your family being stable and showing love to them and your spouse
teaches them. Being understanding of
your spouse’s imperfections while being patient and willing to accept and
understand that sometimes it takes them a little longer to get over or through
things that we might not completely understand. Learning to love someone
unconditionally gives us the chance to become enlightened and even though
sometimes you have to go through hell to get to a better place it is all worth
it in the end. Marriage itself can be a huge problem for people that get into
it not understanding what it is truly about, people rush into marriage without
understanding the commitment it takes to make it work. Both husband and wife
have to make sacrifices and that is why we make vows during the ceremony. To
love and cherish, sickness and in health (both physical and mental) rich or
poor. You cannot judge another while not clearly seeing your own flaws. “Let he
without sin cast the first stone.” I cannot rightly judge my wife’s actions
without judging my own on the same scale, and I know she cannot judge mine
without taking her own deeds into account.
I know
my wife is home with my 2 kids while I am at work constantly. For a long time I
did not understand and felt that she was just complaining just to complain.
Every day I came home to how tired she was and how much she wanted a break. I
was wore out from working constantly and felt that what I did was so much
harder because I was out physically working 8-12 hours a day 5-6 days a week.
In reality I was wrong, simple as that. After having some time off this summer
and changing roles while my wife works constantly and I am watching the kids I
can’t wait to get back to work. I need a vacation from my vacation. I have a
new understanding of what my wife goes through and why she feels the way she
feels. Chasing after 2 kids all day is hard enough I cannot imagine having 5. I
think that the time came for me to man up and finally learn to put my families
needs before my own. If I give my wife a reason to be angry even if I do not
understand why the fact, is she is still angry and I have to deal with it.
Sometimes we have to learn that we do things that cause unintentional
consequences, whether we meant to do them or not we still have to deal with
what comes, and be willing to take responsibility for our actions rather than
putting the blame on others.
In one
of your posts you bring up having more then 1 wife forces the other wives to
behave, I know people from the middle east that grew up in this situation and I
can say that they have the same problems as we do. 1 of the wives is always
going to be jealous of the others. A friend of mines mother actually caused
another wife to be stoned because she felt that she was being neglected. When
you choose to use words such as force it implies against their will as well,
Respect for women in general is something that we seem to have lost to a major
degree in our culture.
Throughout time wives have always
been there to take care of the home while the husband was out working or off in
a war. They are the glue that holds the family together. When you start looking
at your marriage as a contract you have
already lost the true meaning of marriage. It is not about a legal
document, it is about a promise that you will be there to protect and take care
of your family. When you say that adult industry workers are basically having
many husbands, I have to call you out on that one. I know many of them from
when I working at a “gentlemen’s club”, and not 1 of them would ever agree with
that statement. They typically cannot
even do their job sober, and in the end it gets to all of them. I do not know a
single one that does it because they enjoy it unless they have serious mental
illness. (being abused can cause this so I am not saying it in such a way to
degrade anyone.)
In the end it all comes down to who
we are and how enlightened we are actually are. All of our opinions will differ
on the matter, enlightenment for 1 is not the same as it is for another. If we
let our own pride and arrogance rule our lives we end up being the thing we
despise most. The root of the problem, and the cause of our own issues. If we blame
others for reacting to use in a way we do not like but choose to not change the
way we behave then who is really at fault.
Health
is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best
relationship. Buddha
If
there is love, there is hope that one may have real families, real brotherhood,
real equanimity, real peace. If the love within your mind is lost and you see
other beings as enemies, then no matter how much knowledge or education or
material comfort you have, only suffering and confusion will ensue. Dalai Lama
I like Todai Fai's post and i agree with him. But let's say shit get's all messed up and you do divorce. I don't know exactly in which manners you guys would go through it but remember that it doesn't have to be an all out war. Divorce is much of the time a synonym of negativity, confrontation, frustration and pain. But divorce can be peaceful, done in respect and compassion. My parents divorced when i was 1 years old, they had major issues between each other but never in my life had they ever had a dispute in front of me and that helped me a lot as i grew up. Having separate parents was better than having both of em toguether going through hell everyday. If you guys can stay toguether that would be very nice, but if shit's gets too fucked up, only YOU guys can know if it did reach the point of no return. And if marriage is against 'The Way', why not modernise 'The Way' and makes marriage possible even at a high level? It ain't titled Freddie's Modern Kung Fu for nothing, you can create your own 'Way' if you wish! If you end up being the only 'True Martial Artist' engaged in a marriage at a high level alive, then why not do it? On this last note, i wish you guys the best whatever the decisions you take.
ReplyDelete