My Creative Expression of Anger in Public

My Creative Expression of Anger in Public

Reflecting on Osho’s teachings about not expressing anger in public, I see what my problem is now.  I used to have a professional job that demanded privacy, because of this I was not on the Internet.  I was not involved in social media.  I expressed my creativities in private through Martial Arts.  But then I started to find interest in writing poetic rhymes as a hobby.  It was another way of expressing myself creatively.  I would write the poetry and then I would read the poetry over a voice recorder.  I was very much into the hip-hop expression of 2pac and other rap artists.  And as you know, the creative expression of 2pac is filled with a lot of anger; much of the hip-hop expression is filled with creative anger. 

My creative raps started to go public when I went onto the social media YT site and uploaded my poetry anonymously.  My identity was not revealed, not my image, not my name, just my voice.  I started to receive some appreciation for my work.  I expressed anger, but not all of it was anger, maybe 25% of my work was with anger, the rest was a very creative way of expressing wisdom and others were expressing feelings of romance, happiness, or sadness.  The creative expression, even though it went public anonymously, it never hurt my profession. 

My justification for creatively expressing anger has always been that it can be viewed as an artistic release, that it can be viewed as something beautiful that is appreciated, like the work of 2pac or Bruce Lee on film.  But now that I reflect on the teachings of Osho, I see that what ends up happening when you express this anger publicly, even if it is in the form of creativity in music or poetry, it is an anger expression that ends up building up anger to the people who are exposed to this work.  The anger ends up getting spread to others. 

My further justification was, people have the freedom to click or not click, if they do not want to be exposed to this type of expression, they don’t have to watch it, they can click on other videos, this type of expression is not for everyone.  This was a just way of seeing it, but there is clearly a difference when you express this anger anonymously opposed to directly. 

My next justification was that, those who are attracted to my angry expression can then be indirectly exposed to my soft and gentle expression that has much wisdom.  My way of seeing it was, that you feed them with junk food for the mind of which they are already addicted to and then slowly you starting feeding them healthy food for the mind in which to make them healthier than when they started.  But the problem with this, is that it can turn the opposite, the mentally healthy person can be attracted to your work of wisdom but then end up being exposed to your junk food for the mind and it ends up corrupting his health.  So you might help 2 people and then hurt 2 people, you end up breaking even, it ends up resulting in the same result of silence, neither do you help nor do you damage.    

The major change occurred is when my teachings went public with FMK via social media.  In 2009, I started to go public with my teachings on social media.  No longer was I anonymous, my face was shown and my name identified, but at this time it was a philosophical expression and a physical expression, I dropped my poetic expression of rhyming poetry.  My creativity was fulfilled with my philosophical expression and physical expression.  My expression was very peaceful, there was no anger being expressed, I was not an angry person. 

But as the years went by I started to experiment with my expression.  I wondered what type of response I would receive if I expressed anger in public.  Not just random anger but anger directed towards education.  I was experimenting with a way of expressing anger like yelling at a child for doing wrong, to shock the child into consciousness.  Like a child who does not look both ways before crossing the street and then you yell at the child to shock him into realization that he should never do that ever again. 

I ended up posting a video directly criticizing cage fighting with this anger.  The video ended up receiving an enormous amount of views compared to any other videos I have posted.  That’s when the vicious cycle began.  I realized at that point that I have been expressing myself peacefully for over 2 years publicly but not that many people were tuning in, but just one expression of anger, now my audience has exploded compared to the past. 

My objective at the time was to use this anger energy to my advantage to educate the public.  I planned to draw the public in with my anger in order to expose them to my real teachings of peace, love, and compassion.  But what I did not realize until now after reflecting on Osho’s teachings, is that, that way of viewing it is ok if you do it anonymously, but doing it publicly, with my face and name being exposed to the public, changed the entire dynamics.  Now it goes back to the same dilemma that I expressed before.  You hurt two people and you help two people, you end up breaking even, you are better off staying silent. 

The people who were drawn into my angry expression could be lead towards my healthy expression and they could benefit.  But the problem is that the already healthy people who are drawn towards my healthy expression end up being exposed to my angry expression and they can become mentally sick. 

I noticed that the public was very much attracted towards anger and violence.  So more and more of my expression was being expressed with anger.  I started to share poetry with anger and I would create more videos expressing anger to shock my audience into consciousness.  As I was receiving more attention, I was accumulating more profits from this expression of anger.  I was given no incentives to quit.  But in the same token, the students of whom I were teaching directly were suffering from this negative publicity, I was losing students and losing income from my physical school.  My online audience was growing, but my physical school was being negatively affected.  I was making money from being angry but I was also losing money from being angry.  Once again I was breaking even. 

I was creating a vast following of enemies mixed in with supporters.  The enemies could not understand the direction of my teachings.  The anger I expressed brought out the worst in them and there was no turning back.  Anytime they saw my image or name, they end up going into attack mode.  The vicious cycle of anger against anger ended up being the result.  I ended up creating an online war with my repetitive expression of anger which resulted in nothing but destruction of everything that I worked so hard to build through social media. 

My whole YT expression came crashing down and I was forced into silence.  In a way that is a good thing.  People talk so much about freedom of speech, but meditation is silence.  No speech.  No speech is stronger than speech.  Meditation is the true way, silence is the true way.  Silence is what I needed.  Solitude is what I needed.  I spent 4 years of my life speaking and creating videos obsessively.  I needed to be stopped, I needed to just sit still, do nothing, and say nothing.  I needed to be silent.  Through that silence I came back to the center of my being.  I was too caught up on the people and society around me, I lost my center. 

During those 4 years, I spent very little time if any, reading books by Osho.  When I was forced into silence, I began to read Osho books again.  The Osho books calmed my spirit down, reminded me of the importance of meditation in my life, and provided me with the necessary guidance on how to move forward from these past experiences.  It is quite apparent that nearly everybody around me is corrupted or misguided.  I can only guide myself and if I need any assistance, Osho is the only person that provides me with greater clarity about my situation.  The world is filled with many sophisticated egos, they are not truly awakened, they are not truly enlightened, their guidance is not really guidance, it is a severe misguidance.  I see that you can only guide yourself towards the Way in this life, the assistance of Osho or other past sages are still pointing you back to yourself, to lead yourself towards the Way.  

Now I clearly see why my anger should not be expressed publicly.  Even if it is done creatively, it is still anger that ends up affecting those around you, it ends up creating more anger and hostility.  It is like sharing a virus, it is best to cure the virus and not have a virus at all, to get rid of it completely.  Now my online expression on YT is terminated forever.  But my online presence is still here.  My online school has gotten smaller, more efficient, more direct.  Rather than having 100 chairs with 70 of the chairs being occupied by people who are not open to learn.  Now there are only 30 chairs, all being occupied by people who are truly there to learn.  The place has been downsized from 10,000 square feet to 1,000 square feet.  With this downsize, my attention can focus on the people who are really here to learn. 

I feel so much more at peace with my expression online, at my physical school, and with my home life.  The peace comes for solitude.  It comes from surrounding myself with the right people in my life.  It comes from making decisions from my center.  It comes from my meditation.  It comes from reading books from Osho.  It comes from my reflective writings.  This peace is where I started and coming back to this peace after all the drama is a nice place to be. 

Sacrificing Business for FaceBook

Sacrificing Business for FaceBook

Why do we sacrifice business and livelihood for our simple expressions on FaceBook?  Our expression on FaceBook can likely hurt our business.  People read something that they should not have read and now you lose business.  Your boss sees your page and now you get fired.  Our personal lives have intertwined with our professional lives and now it is very difficult to create a separation like it was in the past before the invention of social media.  Employees know more about their bosses then they should, bosses know more about their employees than they should. 

Even though our personal expression on FaceBook can hurt our potential to accumulate more money, why are we still drawn to FaceBook, or other sorts of creative outlet in social media?  I feel it’s because life is not just about accumulating money.  Once your financial needs are satisfied, there is a feeling deep within that saids, “what more is there to life other than accumulating money?”

I feel that FaceBook and other forms of social media such as Vimeo are ways of creativity and self-expression, something that we rarely ever get to express in our places of employment.  In our places of employment, our opportunities to be self-expressive and creative are very limited.  We cannot dress the way we want to dress, we cannot speak the way we want to speak, we cannot sing, we cannot dance, we cannot rap, we cannot write, we cannot make love, we cannot exercise, we cannot be honest, we are essentially paid to be false. 

For 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week, possibly even more, we are paid to be somebody that we are not, we are paid to be controlled and restricted.  Social media allows us to be free to a certain extent.  We are still bound by the law on what we can and cannot express online but we are much more free online than we ever will be in our place of employment.  It is natural that when your creativity and self-expressiveness is bottled up for so long at work, you just want to be free and let your creativity loose, social media creates this outlet of expression. 

Here we can speak about what we want to speak about, we can share videos, we can share music, we can share poetry, we can share writings, we can share pictures, we can share our passions, we can drop our guards stop worrying about accumulating money and just be real and honest. 

The employer pays us to become machines when we are in the factory or office but to allow the employer to start controlling our outside lives outside of the factory or office just seems to be unbearable.  Then the question is, “where has my personal life gone?”  “Is my entire life professional now?”  “Is everything that I say and do dictated and controlled by whether or not my expression is acceptable by society enough in order to accumulate more income?” 

Police Officers are paid to shut their mouth, the Police Department will not allow the Officer to state his true feelings about what is occurring with all these protests, a wrong slip and they will lose their jobs.  The more money you make, the more mechanical you will be, the more robotic, the more fake, the more of a slave.  What the boss says, inside or outside of the office is what goes.  The boss tells you to shut your FaceBook off, you shut it off, you are controlled by money.  The Officers lose connection to their inner spirit, they are no longer humans, they are slaves of authority.  The more money the department pays them, the more they will be dedicated slaves.  Now if the Officers were being paid minimum wage, if the Officers were getting paid only $9 per hour, I can guarantee a lot of these Officers will say “Fuck this shit, I’m gonna say what I want to say, I have nothing to lose.” 

The beauty of being paid less money is that it allows you to be freer, it allows you to drop your guard, you really have nothing to lose.  If you drive a fancy BMW that costs $50,000, you might be worried about it getting damaged, scratched, vandalized, the car then starts to control your life and decisions that you make, you are too much attached to the car.  The beauty of having a run down junk car is that you don’t care if it gets damaged, you don’t care if it gets scratched, if something happens to it, you’ll just get another one, probably a even better one. 

This is the same that goes with our reputations and social status.  The more you are “respected” by society, the more you have to protect your reputation, the more you are worried about what you say and do so that the people on the outside will continue to give you respect.  But when you are a nobody, when nobody even knows who you are, there is nothing to protect, you can be honest and real, you don’t have to worry much. 

The society is paying you to be a slave.  You are ultimately the one who decides how much you will sell your freedom for.  The less you are attached to material things the simpler you live your life, the freer you will be.  The more attached you are to material things, the more luxurious your lifestyle, the more of a slave you will be, unless you have the courage to drop all of it if it really came down to it.  Somebody can be driving a BMW, but it does not necessarily mean he is attached to his BMW.  The attachment is what creates slavery. 

There is much more to life than just accumulating money, it’s not all about the money.  We might meet the love of our lives in social media, this makes it all worth it.  The little creative things we say or do can change the life of someone far away that we don’t even know, and this makes it all worth it.  Something that you say or do can actually inspire somebody to not commit suicide like the way Robin Williams did and this makes it all worth it.  Something that you say or do can actually prevent somebody from randomly going out and killing two cops, and this makes it all worth it.  Something that you say or do can help people better understand racism and start putting forth efforts in their own lives to stop contributing to the problem and that makes it all worth it.  Social media gives us, the people, the power to make a positive contribution to this world and that is why we are drawn to it so frequently even though at times it can hurt our pockets.

A MASTER CANNOT BE A TEACHER TO ALL

A MASTER CANNOT BE A TEACHER TO ALL

True Martial Arts is never meant to be taught on a mass scale.  It is an intimacy between Master and Disciple, just like the intimacy between Father and Son or Father and Daughter.  You never choose your father, your father is your father, perfect or imperfect, in actuality he will never be perfect, he will always be imperfect.  How can one man manage to have thousands of wives and become truly intimate with each wife?  How can one man manage to have thousands of children and become truly intimate with each child?  It cannot happen.  Real intimacy is true love that cannot be mass-produced.  Lust can be mass-produced, but true love can never be mass-produced.  True intimacy cannot be mass-produced. 

A Real Master of the Martial Arts can only be a Master to a selected few disciples.  Within those selected few disciples, there is a natural loving connection that is bound by trust.  The Master can never be completely open and trustful of the entire mass of society, only a select few.  Just as two parents can only raise a few children the right way, no man can be a real father to thousands of children.  A man can only be a real father to a few children. 

True Martial Arts is never meant to become a corporation.  Within your individual psychological growth, you will see a psychologist by yourself, you will not bring thousands of people with you to see the psychologist, nor will you go see thousands of psychologists all at the same time.  You will see one psychologist by yourself, when you are by yourself, you can be open and honest to the psychologist in order for him to help you on your psychological growth.  The psychologist can only help a few people at a time, he cannot help thousands all at once, he needs to truly listen to each individual in order to determine the proper treatment for that specific individual. 

A woman is not meant to be in bed with thousands of men, any woman doing so, you will quickly see, she has lost her soul, something within her is severely damaged.  A Master is not meant to be a Master to thousands of disciples; there will never be a true communication because true communication only occurs on a private level, not in a public arena. Every disciple’s spiritual growth in the Martial Arts is a very delicate process, like a hair stylist giving each individual a truly beautiful haircut that fits that specific individual perfectly, not to just shave every persons head bald to transform the person into a machine. 

A Master does not turn a disciple into a machine.  A Master teaches the disciple to be authentically real, this takes very much time and patience, it is a very delicate process.  Privacy is essential.  Martial Artists are not meant to be trained the same way soldiers are trained, to just follow orders blindly through the chain of command.  Martial Artists are nurtured and developed very delicately the same way a child is born and raised to become a fully expressive and creative adult. 

A doctor does not become a doctor over night.  A lawyer does not become a lawyer over night.  A musician does not become a musician over night.  An artist does not become an artist over night.  A Martial Artist takes over 2 decades of training in order to become somebody that is truly capable of moving forward to express his own unique way in the Martial Arts.  Your Master is your Master for life; your father is your father for life.  Your Master will be there to help you grow and learn from life.  Your Master does not have all the answers, but he is there by your side through your entire journey in life to help you reach your fullest potential. 

You are like a plant, and your master is helping you grow putting you in the right position towards the sun.  Giving you just the right amount of water, soil, fertilizer, love, and attention.  He is helping you grow and bloom to become a beautiful flower.  He is helping you to grow confidence within yourself to have the courage to be authentically yourself.  This entire process does not happen over night, this entire process does not happen on a mass scale, this is a delicate process that requires individual attention, love, and trust between Master and Disciple.  A true connection between Master and Disciple is just as rare to find than true love between a man and woman.  A coach and an athlete is everywhere, boyfriends and girlfriends are everywhere.  But a real Master and Disciple is rare, true love is rare.

"The So-Called Best Rapper Alive"(X-rated poem)

Had the nerve to say he beat that pussy up like Emmett Till
this motherfucker (or should I say "fatherfucker") is undeserving of a record deal
can't write his own rhymes so he finds famous rappers bars to steal
constantly giving blowjobs to his bald-headed boss for a free meal

unable to speak about anything else but sex & money
his lyrical wordplay is so terrible its not even funny
he deserves a kick amongst the region where it isn't bright & sunny
cow-girling his "daddy" like a playboy bunny

I hate this aforementioned clown with an unwavering passion
just another imbecile advertising homosexual fashion
shucking & jiving on the TV screen corrupting the youth
uttering constant bullshit which hardly amounts to truth

yes I'm attacking your hero fuck him & his swag
kissing men in the mouth like a partial fag
he's not even worthy of me wasting a fraction of my mag
I will rejoice the moment somebody finds his head in a bag

while getting pounded from behind he asks for "daddy" to pull his hair
with that high pitch voice sounding like he lost his pair
wearing those tight ass leopard skin pants showing his underwear
within the dirty ass dreads hides a fairy under there

disrespecting the legendary entertainment icon like a hypocritical little bitch
you can't call anybody gay when it's your anus that has the itch
calling yourself the next 2pac while using that annoying auto-tune pitch
If you're the best rapper alive then I'm a model spokesperson for Abercrombie & Fitch

he is not a legend spitting those weak ass rhymes
can't even diss anybody with his ghost written sublimes
I'm a hungry fox & to me he's the plump hen
I can pull random punchlines out of my ass too Mr. "I am not a human"

any person who calls this man lyrical has to be insane
the most irritating of all rappers simple & plain
he would've been better off as a facial ejaculation stain
to sum it all up, I'm basically saying fuck lil wayne.