Not a Zen Master

Not a Zen Master

As long as a woman can make a man fall in love, he is not a Zen Master.  A Zen Master cannot be “in love.”  He may practice Zen, he may be good in Zen, but he is not a Master.  Only when his sex energies have come from boiling hot to completely calm and cool can he become a Zen Master.  It’s not about resisting oneself from falling in love, it’s about no woman being capable of making this man fall in love.  He has gone so fully into sex that the temptation to go deeper into sex is no longer there.  The time that this will happen is unknown. 

The person may have the temptation to be in love, but not be in love, this does not mean he is a Zen Master because the temptation is still there, it can be buried and suppressed, but it is still there. 

Just because a person has sex, it does not mean he is not a Zen Master.  Having sex and being able to let it go without being in love can still make the person a Zen Master.  Being passionately in the moment, is not forbidden, it is the thinking before and after the experience that determines whether this person is a Master.  If the person is constantly thinking about sex, if the person is constantly planning on how to make this sex become guaranteed for future experiences, this is a clear identifier that this person is not a Zen Master. 

The constant thinking before and after the sexual experience is what prevents this person from being a Zen Master.  A Zen Master is not someone who refrains from sex, a Zen Master is someone who has dropped all thoughts before and after and is in the moment, every moment. 

Being in love makes it impossible for someone to be a Zen Master because being in love means to constantly be in thought.  The person is so in love, that the person cannot stop thinking about his lover; this constant thinking is not Zen.  This constant thinking is the opposite of Zen.  A Zen Master has complete control of his mind; he can stop the thinking upon command.  He is a master of being in the present moment. 

The Nature of Relationships

The Nature of Relationships

The nature of relationships is like employment.  The ways of society have dynamically changed when compared to the past.  Rarely do you find individuals employed within a company for many decades of loyalty until retirement.  Individuals are switching jobs constantly, along with that comes the nature of relationships in current society.  People are switching sex partners with high frequency. 

People never vow to stay loyal to a company until death.  But yet marriage attempts to have people vow loyalty towards one another until death.  Which is always a fraudulent vow because of the option of divorce.  And with the high divorce rates, it indicates that there is no such thing as a vow till death, it is all-false.  It is not something that can be calculated and planned, a true vow till death comes naturally through time, it cannot be verbally expressed and promised.  Once verbally expressed and promised, it is already false. 

A true vow of loyalty till death can only occur out of love.  You love something so much that you don’t want to ever leave it until death; it is your life source.  You love water, you need water till death.  You love breathing; you need to breath till death.  You love movement, you will move till death.  You love exercise, you will exercise till death.  You love dancing, you will practice dance until death.  You love riding the bicycle, you will ride your bicycle till death.  You love meditation, you will practice meditation until death.  You love self-employment; you will be self-employed till death.  You love spending time with positive people; you will spend time with positive people till death. 

But love cannot be promised, once promised, it is no longer love.  Love comes naturally; you are naturally drawn towards love.  Attraction comes natural, you cannot be forced to be attracted towards a certain someone, that is why arranged marriages are wrong, attraction cannot be forced.  That is why prostitution is wrong, attraction cannot be forced, attraction has to come natural.  That is why marriage is wrong, you should never be forced to be attracted to your partner till death! 

It is your partner’s responsibility to put in the effort to make you attracted till death.  Your partner needs to put in the effort to treat you right, maintain positivity, and to take care of him or herself to maintain that mutual attraction.  Just like it is your employer’s job to keep you happy with your place of employment in order to gain your loyalty.  But if you are self-employed, now it is your own responsibility to create your own happiness within your chosen profession. 

People switch partners constantly because they don’t know what they want, they don’t know what they love.  If you know what you love, there is no need to switch, loyalty comes naturally, no contracts should ever have to be signed, loyalty comes naturally.  When you walk into a restaurant, there is never a guaranteed loyalty; you never sign a contact to state that you will return until death!  You naturally keep returning to the restaurant because you love the food!  But if the management of the restaurant changes and the food is no longer of quality, if now the food has become poisoned, then you will no longer return, that is natural, you have not vowed to keep returning until the restaurant causes your early death. 

That is like relationship, if your partner is not keeping you happy, if your partner brings misery upon your life, then it will be natural for you to have the desire to separate from this misery.  If you wish for your partner to be with you till death, then it is up to you, you must treat your partner right and you must take care of yourself in order to have your partner stay attracted, it is not so simple as to sign a contract to guarantee love from your partner until death. 

Jealousy, Anger, Revenge is NOT Love

Jealousy, Anger, Revenge is NOT Love

I am quite aggravated with mass media promoting death, revenge, lust, jealously, possessiveness, control, manipulation, anger, etc. in the name of love.    Love has nothing to do with any of these.  Mass media is teaching you, if your husband has an affair, you must seek revenge.  Infidelity is seen as such a criminal act!  Infidelity is judged to be as worse as murder.  Mass media is teaching you that infidelity deserves the death penalty!  Mass media is teaching you that if your husband or wife “cheats” on you, there is no forgiveness, ever!

Because you wish to be affectionate and loving towards another human being of whom you are attracted to, this is seen as a horrible crime, every movie teaches this mentality.  It is no wonder we live in a society that is mentally sick.  You wonder why that cop killer, shot his girlfriend, chances are its because she was “cheating.”  There was also a famous black couple where the husband killed his wife and then killed himself because she was suspected of “cheating” on him with other celebrities. 

There’s another news article of a man who killed 5 people and himself when his wife left him for a younger man.  This is what is being taught to us in mass media.  If someone “cheats” on you, seek revenge; the person who “cheats” deserves death.  This person of whom you are intimate with, simply is on the pursuit of happiness, this person has found happiness with someone else other than you, to me that is not a crime, that is something natural, it is an extension of positive energy, it is a spreading of love. 

Real love knows no past; real love is moment to moment.  Real love the person shares positive energy to all whom are willing to accept.  Real love is like a Jesus or a Buddha, love is open to all, this then develops into what we call compassion.  Mass media has been destroying the meaning of love for so many centuries that we now think that hatred, jealousy, possessiveness, and murder are love.  These things have nothing to do with love. 

If your partner has found happiness with someone else, either you need to rejoice and share this happiness with your partner or you can be happy for your partner that he or she has found happiness and that it may be the time for you two to separate.  Separate not with anger and hostility, but separate because it was just the right time to separate, separate out of love.  Like a child going off to college.  Like an adult graduating from college.  Like an adult receiving a promotion from another company that has presented greater opportunities of growth.  Like the death of a loved one.  It is a natural separation, a separation with love.

A partner who finds happiness and love with another is either choosing to share his or her positivity and loving energy with another or the partner simply feels it is the right time for you two to separate based on a love separation.  Neither of the two is a negative thing.  It is all positive, it is all filled with love and should be accepted with happiness. 

If I directed a movie, it would go as follows.  Man and woman are in love, having great sex every single day and night.  5 years goes by of blissfulness.  Man or woman ends up meeting someone at work of whom he or she is attracted to, man or woman ends up becoming intimate with this new person, other man or woman finds out, man or woman ends up joining in on the fun!  Or man or woman accepts the separation with love and then ends up finding another great man or woman to enjoy intimacy with until the cycle repeats itself all over again. 

The Problems With Casual Sex

The Problems With Casual Sex

I promote healthy sexual expression.  But inevitably I see that there are potential problems with casual sex.  We have been conditioned to be attached.  We have been conditioned to believe in private property.  We have been conditioned to be selfish.  Contraceptives lower the risk of STD’s and unwanted pregnancies, but there is no scientific technology that prevents the natural psychological and physiological attachment that comes with the expression of the sexual act.  When we share our bodies with others in intimate ways, it is natural for us to be attached. 

Sex is a natural drug.  It is like a drug addiction that can occur when you become intimate with another.  Once the addiction starts and if the supply is taken away, in this case your partner refuses to continue having sex with you, you will end up going through a withdraw, similar to the symptoms of a drug withdraw. 

It is best never to get involved with taking drugs, once addicted it will be very difficult to stop and it can bring great depression.  The same can be the problem with the addiction to sex.  A person may think that they will not be attached, but then they end up being attached.  A person may think that they will not suffer emotional pain but then they end up suffering emotional pain.  This is something that we cannot consciously control because of our conditionings. 

Meditation can train you to be free from these conditionings but most of the people in this world lack meditativeness.  Mostly everyone will suffer from psychological and emotional damage.  This pain will be so great that it will inevitably damage the friendship established.  Because of the conditioning of society, in most cases, casual sex can never be casual, nature has intended for certain chemical responses to be released when engaged in intimacy with another, these chemicals cannot be consciously controlled, they happen without your control. 

For this reason, I see that it is best to not have causal sex but to rather develop real loving relations based on mutual attraction.  The act of sex should always be meaningful, I feel that nature intended for the act of sex to be the absolute most meaningful.  We do not just allow anybody into our homes, nor should we be too comfortable in becoming intimate with just anyone.  Those we choose to become intimate with should be carefully selected.  If carefully selected, it will greatly decrease the chances of unnecessary pain and suffering.