In Love With a Dead Spouse
Imagine being in love with a dead spouse. In order to be in love with anyone, it requires a lot of time and communication. It requires special shared experiences. It requires much affection and love. Imagine being in love with this person, imagine being in bliss because of this love, and then suddenly, this special someone passes away. The person did not leave you by choice; the person could have died in a car accident or a heart attack. You cannot be upset at this person, because this person did not willfully leave you; this person was still in love with you before he/she passed.
How to deal with this pain? How to move on? This is a difficult situation, but you can move on without having anger towards this dead lover. There is no anger because you do not feel the pain of the spouse rejecting you, but there will be an immense amount of sadness. Now how long shall this sadness last?
Ultimately you decide how long you wish for this sadness to last. If you are powerful in mediation you can end this sadness as quickly as you would like. If you know nothing about meditation, the sadness and suffering can last a lifetime. No matter how long you decide to be sad, it will not bring your spouse back from the dead. If the sadness ends too quickly, relatives from the outside will start to question whether or not you really even loved your spouse. If the sadness lasts a lifetime, your existence seems to be pointless.
People think that the longer you are in sadness, the more in love that you were. That is not true, love is living, love is in the moment. You can be completely in love when that person is here breathing and living, but when this person passes, if you are powerful in meditation:
You can accept this passing with gratitude.
You can accept this passing with a smile on your face.
You can accept this passing with a celebration.
There is no funeral for this passing, there is a celebration. You are celebrating the time you had with this person. You are celebrating the end of the relationship as if you are celebrating a graduation. You are celebrating a beautiful experience in the past and the beginning of a new experience. It is an entirely different phenomenon than what we are commonly used to. There is no anger, there is no sadness, there is just a deep inner feeling of gratitude and acceptance.
Now if you are a Zen Master, you will be able to apply these principles to any separation in any relationship.
No matter it be a separation by death.
No matter it be a separation by divorce.
No matter it be a separation by infidelity.
No matter it be a separation by lack of physical attraction.
No matter it be a separation by an emotional disconnect.
No matter it be a separation by lack of shared common interests.
No matter it be a separation by boredom.
No matter it be a separation by lack of connectivity.
What ever is the reason for the separation, a Zen Master can accept the separation with a deep feeling of gratitude. When you are in the present moment, there is no such thing as suffering. All suffering is caused by the mind, if you have no-mind, there is no suffering, there is only awareness. – SFL May 30 2015