Me Questioning Pornagraphy

I am glad that I am not perfect. I have a little weakness for porn; I believe I talked to Freddie Lee about that a long time ago. My thing for porn is like an on and off switch. I might spend months without watching it but when I restart watching porn, I can go for consecutive nights. I never fully gave it up. I want to but it seems that I cannot stop yet. Yesterday night, I was contemplating on my use of pornography and I asked myself some questions. I said to myself: "Would you like to see your mom and your dad having sex? Do you even want to hear about it? If no, then why is that when two people are just having sex with one another it did not disgust you? What makes these people different then your parents?" To me, those were some deep questions. Really, what makes these porn stars different then my parents? Of course, I might say they are on camera, they have a different race....I can come up with tons of labels and description that really does not define what a real human being is. However, what is really going on in pornography is that two people are just having sex and you are watching them enjoying themselves(if most of them even enjoy it in the first place). If we are aroused by two people enjoying each other's body on the screen then we might as well videotape our parents having a load of sex; otherwise we should keep our sexual lives private and not even look at pornography at all. Now do not get me wrong though. I am not trying to promote parents to make sex tape and send it to their kids. I am just saying that we always are captivated by what is outside of ourselves. Instead of having our own sexual experience, we choose to depend on others to give us the experience. People would make statements such as: "Pornography is healthy." Here is my thought on that: it is total B.S. A sexual intercourse is a workout so to tell me that watching somebody else working while we are barely doing anything is the most unhealthy thing ever. Instead of admitting that they have a flaw, people would rather justifying their bullshit. That is also the problem I have with some MMA fans too. Instead of taking time to really question what they are watching, they prefer to defend and illusion themselves to make it seem that they are doing a good thing. In actuality, their heart condition needs a lot surgery! When you are real, you can be a better teacher instead of acting that everything you are doing is right. You are stabbing yourself in the eye when you think like that. I want to be real about it because hiding it is not going to help and it is not going to help anyone else. Like I said, my imperfections is part of my expression so I embrace it fully. Not to say that I do not have any other weaknesses but I want to work on this weakness more because every time I watch, I always felt that there is something wrong. I feel that I cannot never be a Martial Artist if I keep going outside myself to find the meaning of real sex. A Martial Artist's experience should always be real no matter what. He always looks for ways to discover his true authenticity. I cannot reach my true authenticity with watching people having fake sex. That is how I feel about it.