Sunday, July 14, 2013

Overcoming Guilt Trips

 The other day I was supposed to meet somebody at one of my aunt's workplace but I did not make it. It is not that I did not want to but here is what happened. I could not go to my college early in the morning because of my finances. So what my mom did she sent me some money so I could take the train to my college so I could pay the rest of my tuition bills. I got there at about 2:30pm. However, the bursar's office was closed on Fridays and I was really disappointed of myself after that. My cell phone battery was really low so I decided to charge it at the school. After charging it, I decided to call my aunt at 5:00 because apparently, they needed me here at 5:30pm. I could not find the right train to go there and it was too late for me so I decided to give up on it that day. My aunt's boss then asked her my phone number so I am expected to be called anytime.
 When I got home they call me stupid..that I am still asleep or whatever. Everything you could think of when it comes to guilt trip was happening to me. Even the day after that, they were still forcing that guilt on me. My aunt yelled at me but I acted as if it did not even affect me at all. I just did my thing like I am on a regular day. But to be honest with all of you, I was really pushed to my limit inside. It goes back to where Shi Zu felt depressed because negative energy was pushed onto him by Jenny Lee. I understand that sometimes, it can even make you feel like you have to go physical. People may say that words do not affect them but that's a damn lie! Everything said to you can affect you emotionally whether you admit it or not. That's the reality of it. If you keep on running away from that reality, you will really go crazy and will eventually be something you did not want to be. Writing is one way to deal with it. Going away from them is another way to deal with it.
 I have to admit that I made a huge mistake. I miss an opportunity to make my own money. I know now in the summer that the Bursar's office is not open during Fridays. But was the guilt trip really necessary? To me, it was not at all. However, I do understand that when you expect something from somebody, it has to happen otherwise, it can get you angry and possibly make you yell at the guy. Can I blame my family members for acting this way? No. You know why? They are a family to begin with!
 That is what older family members do. They guilt-trip whenever you do not meet up their expectations. To them, it is the only way to make you realize what you are doing is wrong. However, it is far from true. There are some of the things that I do not partake in anymore like alcohol, watching tv and sports. It is not because I felt guilty about doing them. It is just a simple realization within that I am being stupid. It is not because someone was pushing his belief down my throat! Once you pushed your way onto people, they may follow for a while but they will come back to where they used to be. They are guilt-tripping you because they think they can change but that is not going to happen. Maybe if I was younger, I would understand but I am old enough to realize my mistake so please just shut up.
 Yes, there is beauty in being part of a family. Before you grow up to be an adult, a family is necessary to give you guidance. I rather be close to my family members than being part of a corrupted organization like MMA and UFC. I do not want anything to do with these people. However, telling me "family is the greatest gift in the world." to me is nonsense. It is not the ultimate way. It limits you in so many ways you cannot even imagine. In some movies, they will push that on your mind constantly. They want to make you think that your family members are the only ones who can love you and nobody else. That is why people will always be attached to family. I see family is mostly about ego not peace. So to those of you who favors family, that is you but I am not a big fan of family. I am not saying that I am not going to care about them anymore. I am just stating the negative aspect of family. It is clearly not the Way. The Way is beyond labels, organizations, attachment, families.

11 comments:

  1. Do your things man! Here's my point of view, i have much love for my family and i'm ready to take more shit from my family than i would normaly do with somebody with who i have no relation or whatsoever. BUT even if it's family, there's always some kind of line that you gotta trace. Ego or no ego, there's a line that, you know what forget the line, you just be you and when you feel like Whoah, that's too much, feel free to tell em nomatter who they are. I don't care two shits if it's fam or not fam, i'm cool with my family and close friends but if they think for one inch of a second that they will come at me and spit on my face under my roof, they messing up big time. And i'm quick to make em remember. Anyway much of the time, if your cool with your entourage, they won't mess with you, but there will be time like these in which they gon forget that your a human two, that you got feelings, and in those times, you got two choices, you make em remember that you have soul, or you let em shit on you. It's all on you to choose. Stay positive, fuck guilt i mean you didn't kill anybody? You are not the reason why kids are dying of hunger? So fuck guilt, stay happy and positive, peace!

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    1. Lol. You are funny man. But it's a good advice though. They even try to make me feel guilty for not going to church too. My mom and are fine with that but my aunt is not taking it very good. This is ridiculous.

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    2. Lol the last time i went to church i almost felt like an intruder.

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    3. Now I feel like one in the house for not going into one.

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    4. I mean going to church.

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    5. Don't feel guilty, you know you didn't roll around in panties mixing sweat like a dj with another man in a cage. So you don't have to feel any guilt.

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    6. Lol. You mix truth and humour pretty good.

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  2. It's great to see you and Steve much more active on this blog & expressing yourself!

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    1. Thanks. I can still train with you right?

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    2. As long as you keep doing your home work assignments that I spoke with you about over the phone, yes.

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    3. Lol. Alright. I have other homework assignments from my research program that I have to complete too which is even more heavy duty. Man I am dead. Lol

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